a promise

it's 2am and i'm tired. it's been a full and beautiful day as many have been recently. and not beautiful because it's easy or even pleasant. beautiful because it was full of things that matter to me and as a result i lived today connected to my happenings and the lessons they brought. i would be in bed instead of writing this right now except i promised myself i would make at least one blog entry a week. and as i've learned and accepted into my way of thinking and observing things, the promises we make to ourselves are the most important promises of all. turns out any promise made in earnest is essentially a promise to the self. i want to remember this for when i have my kids and am blessed with the gift of teaching them this world.

i guess this is what i want to contemplate tonight....

we don't have many good examples in our daily experiences. most of what i can observe is a culture of self service. of me over you. of judgement and feelings of supremacy through violence towards one another. i notice this when i overhear the conversations of passer-by. it's usually someone talking to another about how they were about to beat somebody's ass for disrespecting them. or how this person is a dumbass for blah blah blah. one day i noticed how much like dumb fighting pigs we sound. and then i noticed how much like dumb fighting pigs we are treated by media and entertainment, especially movies and music. i don't understand why i should want to listen to a person, who defines themselves by their ability to purchase material things made by other people, rap or sing about how much better they believe they are than me and everyone else because they can buy stuff with paper. paper that forces us to live compromised lives so that we can buy things that don't make us feel satisfied. i am bored with movies that tell the story of men with guns. popular music and movies are reflections of this world. a reflection of what we accept and believe to be the things that matter. there is nothing we experience as a collective race that we don't deserve.

but when i think of what it is to be a true human being, or full human being i don't imagine a person that is petty and of violence. i imagine a person that is of understanding and wisdom. but it is rare to see someone this way. even our old gain little wisdom. i observe the insecurity of my elders and find it odd that they have grown backwards. instead becoming more steady in their hearts and broader in their minds they become fickle, afraid, stubborn and often dumb.

utter confusion is the best way i can think of to describe our way of being. men and women blind to each other and themselves.

with every year that i get older i feel more blessed for the experience and wisdom of life. i don't feel anxious about my age. i like wearing my years on my skin and eyes like a testament to my value and character. i have survived 32 years with my inner child, creativity, spirit and health not only intact but vastly strengthened and expanded. i am not who i was 5 years ago because i am much, much better. and to think of who i will be in another 5 is exciting. i wish all the people i love felt this way, but i think i am the only one i know. except for maybe one other.

going back to the purpose of this writing: keeping promises i make to my self. this action, the commitment of honoring your intentions, is probably the most effective way of transforming your exterior life. what i mean to say is that by keeping your promises to your self, the way you live your life will change really fast. and for the better. i promise. :)

we should remember to fill our lives of the things that matter most to us. so that we feel connected.

g'night.

- g